How to Cook Husbands

How to Cook Husbands

Many Husbands are spoiled by mismanagement in cooking and so are not
tender and good. Some good wives keep their husbands constantly in hot water,
others keep them in stew by irritating ways. Some roast them, some keep them in
a pickle all their lives, others think they need to be blown up once in a while. Others
let them freeze by their carelessness and indifference.
It cannot be supposed that any husband will be tender and good managed
this way. In selecting a husband, a woman should not be guided by the silvery
appearance as in buying fish nor by the golden tints as if she wished salmon.
Be sure to select him your way as taste differ. Do not go fishing for him as the
best are always brought to the door. It is far better to have none unless you will learn
patiently how to cook him. See that the linen in which you wrap him is nicely washed
and mended, with the required number of strings and buttons sewed on. A preserving
kettle of finest porcelain is best, but even an earthen pipkin will do with care. Tie him
in the kettle with the silken cord called love as the one called duty is always weak and
they are apt to fly out and get burned or crusty on the edges.
Make a bright, steady fire of comfort, cheerfulness and neatness; set him as near
this as seen to agree with him. If he sputters and flizzes do not be anxious as some
husbands do this until done.
Add a little sugar in the form of kisses, but use no pepper or vinegar on any
account.
If thus cooked, you will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you,
and he will keep perfectly unless you become careless and leave him in a cold place.

Quote by Grace B. Hall